Not Completely Frozen Yet

Since my last post the time has passed in a blink of an eye. I was hit by the train at full speed, or so it felt, and I'm still gasping for air. Everything happened so quickly and I found myself in a completely new work environment, with new people and new challenges. This was what I wanted for a long time but when I finally got there it was like I wasn't ready for it. I started to feel some kind of weird resistance in my gut and my whole body turned against this "newness". I'll be honest with you, I never ever felt something like this, I was always up for a challenge. In fact, earlier in my life, any challenge would give me strength and motivation to fight and to work hard in order to achieve my goal. This time was very different. It was almost like I had enough of challenges in my life, I couldn't take it any more. Completely new experience...

Four weeks later, things are going better but I still can't get rid of this weird feeling. It may sound weird to you, but I rarely did things for myself, because I wanted it for ME - it was usually for my family, for my children or for any other reason. This last decision was not different. And this is exactly the thing I have to change, the time has come. Happily, I'll have ten days off for Christmas. Enough time to think things through but also to enjoy beautiful white Christmas in the city of Quebec...

Not Completely Frozen Yet

Life is Happening...

...while I'm living in a bubble. I don't know what it looks like on the outside. Pictures and sounds are passing by in slow motion. I feel good. I'm calm, I have time for everything but I do almost nothing. This is an incredible gift - having time. And I'm finally enjoying it.  But I'm also well aware of the fact that my bubble could pop very soon.

Photo credit: Reini68 on flickr

So what am I doing right now? I have only one exam left before finally having my diploma. I'm invited to pass an exam for a job I'm very interested in. Other than that, I cook, I sew a little, I read and I observe young plants popping out in my garden.

Tell you one thing: I can't wait to start working again! I seriously need this somewhat imposed rhythm in order to better structure my life around it. I can't believe I just said that! 

Anyway, thank you for being patient with me and have a beautiful spring!

Life is Happening...

The Love Story About Two Dirty Socks

As I'm starting to write this post I'm not certain how it will turn out. I've been wanting to write it for quite some time now but, to be honest with you, I hesitated because of the person involved in this story. You guessed it: it's my better half. I've been working him for weeks and I think I finally wore him down. This post  may be even considered as the continuation of my post about beauty of imperfection. I was inspired to tell this story by young girls, like my daughter, who found themselves in the somewhat serious and longer relationships, usually with guys who are "almost" perfect. Those girls believe firmly that they can change their man once they live together under the same roof. To DIY a perfect husband or partner so to speak. Husband improvement project. Now, I've seen things and lived long enough to know it doesn't work that way. So whenever I hear something that let me believe this particular girl might think she can change her partner or his bad habits, I tell her my story about two dirty socks.

It all started insanely long ago when I studied at the university and got to know this young boy with the most beautiful  hair, lips and eyes in the world. We were only nineteen years young. Aside from not being able to repair home appliances (very big deal as I come from a DIY family!), he was a very nice guy and I was madly in love with him. I couldn't wait to live with him together. Four years later we married and moved to our first apartment. As many of you may already know, dating and actually living together isn't the same thing. I knew my young husband was always very orderly, sometimes even excessively so. Luckily for me, he continued to be that way and from the beginning on we did our household chores together (thank you, dear mother-in-law!). But there was one thing that drove me nuts each day! He used to leave his two dirty socks inside-out on the floor beside the bed each evening and forgot to put them away in the morning. So whenever I looked there they were: two dark stains on the floor. In the beginning, I asked him nicely to put them away in the laundry. Didn't work. At all. Then I started being upset about it and not too rarely we had a fiercely dispute because of that. One day it all escalated and I was so mad that I didn't want to speak with him. But the socks were still on the floor beside the bed. We didn't speak so I couldn't tell him to put his damn socks away! So as I was cleaning the bedroom and putting things away, I grabbed his socks and put them in the laundry. Thing I refused to do till that day. It took me 2 seconds. Everything was calm. 

It might seem dumb to you, but it took me more than one year to understand that he's been putting up with my flaws (open books and magazines literally everywhere) while I raged about his socks. We were still madly in love. So we decided to not take this matter too seriously (apparently people freak out and divorce over a toothpaste?!). It was so easy and so simple: to love each other for all the good reasons and to accept each other's insignificant flaws. The secret is to not sweat the small stuff. There is no need to ruin the whole marriage or relationship over the toilet seat and the toothpaste! You can't change another person, you can only love them for who they are. So you have to be ready to love, accept, respect and tolerate the person as a whole, with all his good and eventually bad sides. That's it!

As for my DH's two dirty socks, they still live on the floor beside the bed. Occasionally, I make a joke about them and my husband put them away and promise me in all seriousness never to leave them there again. We are still madly in love.

The Love Story About Two Dirty Socks

Coucou, c'est moi !

Isn't that cute? Yes, it's in French and if you wonder what it means it's a very simple " Hello, it's me!"

So, here I am again. I've been busy last week and in the beginning of this week preparing my second exam in the series of eight. It must have been 15 years since I've had my last exam. I'm always very nervous before an exam  no matter how well prepared I am. To be honest with you, I'm very demanding of myself and I can't help it, this is the way I've been brought up. I had my second exam last night and it went very good again, I was actually very pleased with myself, if I may say so. And the best of all, I received the result of my first exam and it was 95 %! Well, yes, that's what I was looking for! Even better, as I was bragging about my note in front of my son, he told me that this means A+ at his university! I'll take it any time!

 I must come over as an incredibly arrogant person, sorry, but I'm soooo excited about it. And I love being good at things I do. Following these exams,  in April 2010 I should have my diploma that will allow me to find a better job and eventually earn more money. I'm so looking forward to it after many years of stress and work under pressure in chaotic conditions. But on the other side, I'm also very grateful for these years because I've learned so many incredible things that are hopefully going to serve me in my next job. Change is good. Change is chance. Chance is hope. Hope is life.

Coucou, c'est moi !

Living as a couple in a foreign country

I just got back from the local radio station where I was invited for an interview. The hostess prepares a mini-series about different aspects of immigrant women's lives in Quebec. She wanted me to talk about what it meant for my couple to live in Quebec in comparison to our country. This was not my first interview on the radio and it wasn't live so I was not so nervous and it all went well. On my way back home I continued to think about other things that I could have said or expressed in a different way. And then I was suddenly overwhelmed by so many memories, so many challenges life gave us, I could have filled hours and days talking about it. Our life was changed drastically several times, we had to flee from danger, learn foreign languages, cultures and customs, change professions, overcome numerous other obstacles. At the same time, we tried to live as normally as possible in order to offer a happy childhood to our children. No, I won't cry, but seriously, i have to fight tears writing this. Yes, it was difficult, but I was more than blessed to have to do it with the man on my side who never stopped holding my hand since we were 19...

And even if so many things changed in our life as a couple, that was the one true thing that remained the same throughout all the experiences. And  for that I'm grateful...
Back to the radio interview: if you are by any chance interested to listen to  this radio program, tune in on radio CKIA on the  February 24, 2010 at 1 pm Eastern Time (USA and Canada). The program is called 'Égalité: genre féminin' and it's in French.

P.S. I love you!

Living as a couple in a foreign country

Longing for one more journey

My daughter called me yesterday morning, she was worried about me and she wanted to know why there were no posts on my blog for several days in a row. She is my most  avid follower. She caught me unprepared, I was searching for the right words to describe what is happening to me. I told her something about being struck by nostalgia and some new ideas that needed reflexion time. Having said that, I was almost in tears, it hurt so much. I woke up  one morning of this week with this uncomfortable feeling that I absolutely have to change something in my life, that 'something' that bothers me for quite some time now. Just as I convinced myself  that the journey was over and that I can sit down now and live my 'happily ever after' life, everything came out. Everything that I tried so hard to hide from myself. And from those who know me. And from those who love me. I know what it is, I know exactly how I should do it, but I'll try to think it over this winter and then, if this burning longing for change is still there, I'll move in this direction.

  What you should know, my DH is in on that one and we are going to take this decision together like we did so many times before. I leave you today with a wonderful quote that sums so nicely my feelings at the moment:

Longing for one more journey

Everyday Schmuseday

Do you know what "schmusen" means? Yeah, I thought so! It's one of the German words that I conserve in my personal Love Dictionary. Just so you know, German isn't my mother tongue, but I've studied it and I love it - after all, it is the language of Goethe... To translate it in English words like cuddle, snuggle or smooch are used. Attention: not to be confused with "schmooze" even if it does have some connection with "converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make social connection" as in "cuddling" yourself in a conversation.

More than a word itself, I like the mindset behind it, smoothness and goodness, rarity of the moment, emotions and aftertaste of it. You can "schmuse" with your lover, your husband, your children, your mom and dad or other person you love tenderly. You can, you should even "schmuse" with your animal, especially dogs and cats are very big Schmuse-Fans. Even if "schmusen" (pronounced shmoozen,) implies body contact, it never means very intimate relationship, but it implies deep relationship between two beings. You really don't need much to schmuse : just a moment of time and the person you love near you. Schmusen should be prescribed by the doctors, it'so god and beneficial for all involved. Shouldn't we proclaim every day of the week "Schmuseday"? It would be a self medication of sort, no more need for antidepressants. It is free, green, benefits two or even more persons at same time. Start today, start this weekend: proclaim your own oficial "Schmuseday" at home. Make it twice a week after that and you will wonder how it affects you and those near you. You could even create a poster to display it at your place telling everyone that it's your "Schmuseday" holiday. From there, it is literally just one step to the official national "Schmuseday" holiday!

Everyday Schmuseday

My finger in the ocean

I would like to share with you the journey from house to home, stories from my life, my little and big loves...

My finger in the ocean